Ghetto Gardening Tips

1- Dispose of Garden Debris by Tossing it Over the Fence into Neighbor's Yard. This includes, but is not limited to: caterpillars, grubs, half eaten tomatoes, toys dug up in soil you suspect might belong to their kids, slugs, snails, vegetables leftover from crudité, wine corks, pieces of dried tortilla (just found this yesterday), anything gross that must be spontaneously deleted from the garden. For a successful toss over the fence, make sure no-one is looking or in their backyard. That their backyard is mainly full of brown weeds somehow appeases any guilt you might feel. Make sure not to hit their rottweiler in the nose.




2- Use an Old Sheet to Haul Your Garden Waste. Why use a tony bag or nice basket when you can use an old sheet? It's declassé element adds a certain "je ne sais quoi" for that ghetto garden you've always wanted. They won't teach this in Garden Design or Fine Gardening, nosirreebob. Hauling sacks of trimmings and leaves will make your neighbors think you are like a Ghetto Garden Santa! Hooray.


3-Leave Your Laundry on the Line for a Few Days to Protect Tender Plants Underneath. Laundry hanging on the line acts as sort of a ghetto cloche for plants that need extra protection from the elements. Plant tender plants like fern, begonias, and coleus especially underneath your laundry line to take full advantage. Leave laundry on the line for 4-5 days and only take it down when you have done another load.




PS-The events depicted in this blog post are fictitious (truly fig-ticious, Bombay in LA). Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

Forget the garden, it's 88 degrees today and we're off to the beach!