Crickets are God's Form of Payback

In case you are wondering, crickets in the bedroom, cheerping in the middle of the night are God's way of punishing your for forgetting to pay an eBay vendor with any sort of timeliness. For the past 2 night there has been a lovesick cricket in our bedroom- criiii, criiiiiii- that only starts chirping when you are asleep. Criiiiii, criiiiiiii. The wings grate together even more up close. Criiiiiii. I've been too sleepy, and kind of too creeped out to get up and look for him. But yet, I've also been scared-criiiiiiiiiiiii- that he will jump on my feet and eat me or find his way into the covers and turn me into some sort of cricket snack. Criiii, criii. I think this specific form of punitive torture must be sent from God, who is clearly punishing me somehow for forgetting to pay for those 2 antique seed packs I bid for and won on eBay 3 weeks ago. Clearly, it is so.

I'm just saying. I'm no conspiracy theorist-- but I didn't just fall off the turnip truck either. Mama knows what's going on. Criiiiiiiiiiii.

Update: The good news is, later this evening I escorted a very tired, hungry, horny, thirsty cricket outside into the night. No crickets were harmed in the making of this blog post.